


I Remember You How You Were (and How You Are)

by aesmelt



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: au of my oc meeting Gary cause I love him and he deserves more, takes place immediately after Gary leaves the city, this is kind of old and the narrative is a little disjointed but i like it so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesmelt/pseuds/aesmelt
Summary: When Road Kill goes out on patrol they don't expect to see a ghost from their past.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	I Remember You How You Were (and How You Are)

**Author's Note:**

> little bit about Road Kill I don't talk about that maybe important:   
> -They're a trans demigirl (she/they)  
> -Cherri was like an older brother figure to her  
> -The Girl was like a sister to them  
> -They were taken in by the fab four after their first killjoy family were killed in a large clap  
> -She slept on a concussion (twice lol) and now has no control over showing their emotions what so ever  
> -They are about 25 at this point but were part of the fab four at about 18
> 
> ok that's all i can think of that would be important to know that isn't in this already, I wrote it for myself with a view of someone already mostly knowing her story. Sorry but I hope you enjoy the Gary content anyway!!

It was a normal night, another patrol just like any other. They pulled their cloak around their shoulders ever so slightly tighter as they stepped silent over the gravely earth. It was strange to them still to see their breath like a spirit leaving their mask. Their eyes fully adjusted to the deep blue night of the dessert she let herself rest for a moment. Her eyes scanned the horizon looking for any abnormality in a form that may lead to some kind of destruction later. Not finding any they stepped, heading back from the furthest point of the landed they’d claimed to their small shack. It wasn't much, and most of it was already boobie trapped, but it was worth it to check every hand full of hours.

She stopped her movements soon after they had begun. Something was moving. They turned on their heels with their gun drawn firing a shot before even seeing what it was. The drac dropped it's gun with a cry and with another couple shots, some missing completely, fell ghosted on the sand. She had been in motion and already an awful shot so it wasn't a surprise it took a bit of battery for her to end the clap. As they stood in their rage they turned to the next person already on the ground, ready to shoot standing over them when they stopped. Shit.

“Cherri?” They didn't know they were moving till they were already basically fallen on top of the man, checking him over quickly for wounds. “What are you doing here? You almost got killed I’ve never seen you so sloppy how-?” They stopped, this fabric was Not his clothing. The shaded tint was wrong and the shapes were not his... This was a BL/ind suit. They look at the face fully finally. It was definitely Cola but the fear was of someone who'd never met them. The face of someone who did not know them. She rips her hands away like they burn, they felt like they did.

“Sorry you just… I must be mistaken.” Their teeth are gritted as they speak, emotions whiplashing over them. “What’s your name?” He just stares at them for a few seconds, opening and closing his mouth as he shakes. They sigh, frustrated. 

“Can you walk?” He nods at this and she helps him up. She refuses to let go of his waist as they still basically carry him in bubbling silence. The sun comes up to their backs painting the concert structure she lives in in pinks and purples, not quite gold yet, as they arrive. She checks around one last time before letting them in.

He stands in the large entrance room with barely hidden disgust. She laughs because she can't help it. It is a mess and they have to admit they haven't even really tried to clean it up since they found the place. Without missing a beat they move to the doorway with only a ripped cloth for a door and motions for him to follow. He does and she stripes her face of the mask she wears and her body of the cloak, letting them drop on her small cot. She runs a hand through her dusty hair, shaking it out on the floor as she turns back to Not Cherri.

He’s standing not quite in the room, looking around. His eyes seem to fall on one part of the wall and they swallow hard. He doesn’t move to get a closer look which she’s thankful for, but she can't watch how his face twists. The pictures are all she has left and they have to wonder if he even knows who those faces looking back at him are. 

Instead of focusing on that they pull out the carpet over the trapped door in her floor and grab's a full water canteen. She takes a quick swig and then turns, whipping her mouth as they walk to hand it over to the man. His eyes are so wide it's comical, but he takes it.

“You never did tell me your name.” He hasn’t taken a drink yet, but it's clear he wants to. He looks up from his investigation on the water skin back to her.

“It’s… It’s Gary.” God he sounds like he's gonna shake part. She has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming. “And you?”

“Kill.” Their voice is harsh and blunt. She hears him make a very small ‘oh’ sound as he physically shrinks. This is not what he needs and she hates that. They turn away unable to look at him as they move things around, trying to avoid his presents for a second to calm down. 

The swishing of the water is a good sound, they turn back as Gary is putting the cap back on. He holds it out to her tentatively but she puts up her hand. She motions to the backless chair in front of her work station after a pause.

“Sit, please.” He does, all too quickly following her request. They frown deeply, placing a stern hand on their hip. “So, you’re from the city Gary?”

“I… Yes, at least. That's what I always thought. I don't, I don’t really know anymore.” They nod.

“So you ran cause you weren't sure or…?” He straightens suddenly. Straighter than he was before if that's possible.

“Kind of I, can we not talk about that please?” He looks like he’s barely holding it together. They move closer but stop, they know their presence is aggressive and they don't want Gary to be more scared here than he already maybe. They let their arms fall to their side in defeat.

“That’s fine. We all have our own reasons for leaving and it can be very personal. You know, I ran from the city too.” His head snaps up to look at them.

“R-Really? Why? Did you run I mean, if you can talk about it.” Kill smiles softly. They flop down on the floor, crossing their legs over each other dramatically.

“Well, I was very young. Maybe ten or so I can't remember. My mother was always off doing things I didn't understand at the time but she told me. She told me about the desert and the art and the colorful people it held. It was completely different from what BL was telling me.” Gary looked like he wanted to speak so they stopped, waiting for him to say his peace. He seemed flustered by this, unused to the treatment.

“So she was an exterminator? I thought they weren’t allowed to have kids?”

“No they’re not usually, but she did I… I think she wasn't too interested in men. I think she was seeing someone out here. I think that's why they made her have me.” Kill feels that flash of shame that she knows she shouldn’t feel but she does. She always feels it at the memory of her birth mother. Gary is silent and nods for her to continue. They let out a deep breath before doing so.

They tell him about their mother's death. Being captured as they tried to run the first time and the icebox. Spending their days dreaming about those colorful people, the sand, the art their mother talked about instead of the gray walls and cold they were trapped in. They talk about getting enough materials to blow a good hole in the place. They talk about running and feeling truly free for the first time in their life. They laugh as they do, smiling wide at the memory. And he smiles back tentatively. But he yawns as he asks her to continue. They shake their head and stand up, moving to help him over to the bed that they clear off for him.

“You need to rest. You’ve been running for a while if you made it out here and your body isn't used to that kind of work just yet.” They tuck him in, taking the canteen and putting it on the nightstand. He opens his mouth to say something but Kill puts a finger up to their own lips shaking their head. “Rest.”

He falls asleep quick, even if he puts up a good fight against his own tiredness. She turns away letting her smile fall. She wants to take care of him. But she can't. She doesn't have the ability to tell him whose face he has and what that means to them. But she’s not ready to face the radio crew yet either. She’ll have to come up with a plan it seems. She sits at her desk, tracking and mapping like she usually does but this time it’s not drac routes. It’s a little closer to home.

She heads out for a patrol only once, worried Gary may wake up well she's gone. The moment she steps to the edge of her area she has to hide. It's overrun by dracs and crows alike, all probably looking for him. Well, there go their plans of trying to bring him to the shack today. She sits and waits for them to pass before making a move to head back and once they’re home slam the door too roughly. They curse under their breath only to find he’s only moved to roll over.

When Gary finally does wake up almost eight hours later, him sitting up alarms them for a moment, used to living alone, but they smile kindly at him. They pull out a bag of jerky and let him eat. He complains a bit and she likes the slight snark he's quick to apologize for. She's still got some tracking to do but she’s mostly got it for today and gives their full attention to him.

“Are you still hungry? Thirsty?” Doting on him a bit unsure of what else to do. He shakes his head looking worried at all the attention he’s definitely not used to receiving.  
“N- No I'm fine, thank you um… Kill?” He tries the name. It's clear he doesn't like it.

“You can call me Katt if you like.” He’s startled clearly by being caught.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s still my name. Just not the one I give out to everyone.” They shrug, acting as carefree as they could. The only people they gave that name too were ones they cared about, people who’d known them for a while. She figured she probably wouldn’t get to know Gary, but he was still a part of Cola and they cared about him quite a lot.

They talk sporadically, clearly both unused to casual conversation with how awkward they both are. It’s still nice, it’s very human and she can see how over the rest of the day Gary relaxes a bit. They don't have much for him to do but he finds work cleaning the papers off the floor and filing them away properly in some of their banged up filing cabinets. They tried to stop him but he insisted.

As the day runs out they let their body stretch a bit. It seemed to hit them all out once how tired they were. Usually they slept in 3 hour intervals at most and they hadn’t gotten any sleep since they’d taken in their new city stray. They were able to push it off for another hour before they were yawning and rubbing at their eyes furiously trying to keep them open.

“I'm sorry if this isn’t my place to say but you seem tired… Maybe you should get some rest? If that's okay...”

“Gary, it’s fine to say. I’m just… What will you do?” They asked honestly. They were worried he’d try to run and with the pigs out there looking for him…

“Probably just wait for you to wake up.” Their heart sank at how small he looked. They stood up and stepped over to him without even realizing they were doing it. They put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly with a tired smile pulling at their lips.

“If I’m not up in 4 hours, punch me.” And with that they flopped onto the bed, quickly falling unconscious before even letting themself register his expression of confusion.

She woke from a dreamless sleep. Dizzily she sat up and rubbed her face. She could sleep for a few more minutes but it would be good to go on patrol now. As they stood they suddenly took in the room. Gary wasn't in here. Immediately their body buzzed with anxiety as they rushed into the main room. The front door was open. She grabs her gun and runs out... 

Bumping right into someone's back with an oof and knocking them over. She looks down, gun aimed, to see a very frightened Gary at her feet. They shake their head, holstering their gun quickly.

“Shit, Gary, are you alright?” They reach down to help him but their hands are visibly shaking. “Fuck.” She quickly helps him up fighting back her embarrassment.

“What were you doing out here? You know there are like… A million landmines in the sand right?”

“Oh, really? That's not good…” He looked out over what looked like undisturbed earth and shuttered a bit before turning his attention back to Kill. “ I was just shaking out this rug, I’ve been kind of, well I got bored and I just thought the main room was in such a bad state… I should have waited for you to wake up and asked, I'm sorry.”

“You… What?” They turned looking back at the not so messy main room. There were no more broken bottles or scattered papers. The furniture that had been left in there was placed around the room in a meant manner and it looked… surprising livable. 

“I’m so so sorry I understand if you don’t want me here anymore I really should have asked. That was stupid of me.”

“Gary… you just cleaned the room I haven't touched since I found this place. That's the most help I’ve had in years. Thank you.” 

“.... That’s not… uh?”

“Not the reaction you were expecting?” Their brow rose with the question and Gary nodded seeming confused by the response still trying to think it over. “Get used to that out here. Come on, you’ve done enough for right now lets have something to eat.”

Gary found he quite liked cleaning up the broken down place, it gave him something to do that didn't feel like he was hovering over Katt or bothering them too much. So he spent a lot of his time running around from the entrance to their room and outside. She worked mainly well while he did so, trying not to fret over him or what he was doing too much.

After a few hours he came back in, he looked tired but surprisingly happy. He stood in the middle of the room, shifting from foot to foot as he tried not to be a bother. Or what he considered to be a bother.

“Whats up Gar’?” He sputtered.

“Excuse me!? I mean,” Kill couldn't help but burst out laughing. They shook their head and motioned for him to continue. “I was gonna ask if I could rest, I think I can fix up the sofa out there to be fit for sleeping on, I don't wanna be in your way.”

Kill spun from their seat and stood. “No way you're sleeping out there, there’s a fucking hole in the wall and the roof leaks. Plus I need to do a patrol, see if the pigs have given up looking for you yet so it will be quieter in here.”

“Wait, they’re still looking for me?” Gary seemed shocked, as if not knowing his own importance. They guessed he didn’t. That's not something BL/ind tells its people.

“Last time I checked. I need to go see if it’s calmed down or not and you need to sleep.” They shoved him over to the bed, making sure he was settled nicely before pulling on their mask and cloak.

“Katt…” He called out, making them turn. “Are you sure it’s safe for you to go?” He couldn't see it but their face fell behind their cover.

“You’re surrounded by bombs, you’ll be safe.”

“What about you?” ah… what about them? No one had cared about that in a long long time now. She didn't realize how much that meant.

“I’ll be fine too. Get some sleep.” They turned and left without another word.

Patrol went well, though it was later than they would have liked their first check of the day to be. There weren't any dracs but it was hard to tell if that was the time or just that they stopped looking so far away from the city. She knew they were not done yet, it would be another day before they could drop Gary to his new home. Back to Pony and D… How were they, they thought? How was the wedding? What happened to Hot Chimp and Newsie? What were they doing right now without Cola or the Girl or her?

She felt herself sit down letting her emotions take over her thoughts. They always did when she thought about them, but now even more so then what felt like ever. She’d be so close to seeing them and then she knew she wouldn't. Wouldn’t be able to look any of them in them eye if she did. She pushes her mask off to wipe the hot tears from their face. She missed her sister. She missed the four. She missed her moms.

They spent almost all night out, unable to go home. They sobbed like a dessert banshee, mourning people they’d never see again and those she could but wouldn’t let herself. They did this some time but the guilt of someone being at home waiting for them on top of it was enough to bring them back as the sun began to rise slowly to her back.

She shut the door gently and wiped her eyes one last time, hoping they weren’t too red to be noticed in the dim light. She shuffled into the room to see Gary. He smiled awkwardly at her as he sat proper on the bed, two packs of jerky and the water canteen sitting with him.

“I didn’t wanna eat till you got back. How was it?” Their eyes filled with tears almost immediately but they shook it away as best they could. Plopping down boneless on their spinny chair and sliding over in front of Gary.

“Coast was mostly clear. One more day.” They took the pack he offered them and ate quickly. It was clear that Gary was worried for them but didn't know how to voice this. All morning he shifted between standing in the room with them trying to start a conversation that didn’t go anywhere or cleaning and avoiding them completely.

They were trying to throw themself into work instead of dealing with their problems, their usual solution for feelings. Today it wasn't working as well. They sighed, pulling away and turning. It looked like he was in a shift of avoiding them. Walking into the main room the door was open and Gary was trying to clean up the not broken window. Katt smiled as they sprawled on the couch.

Gary didn't notice till he came back in and almost jumped out of his skin. They tried to hold in their cackle at how ridiculous he looked. When they looked at his rolled up sleeves they became much more worried.

“Is, Did they do that to you?” Gary’s embarrassment turned to confusion as he looked to where she couldn't tear her eyes away. Her blood was basically boiling as her thoughts rushed to what must have happened. Gary sighed.

“I guess, I don't remember what happened to my arm. It's just always been like this, I think. They made me forget about it…” He shrugs. The prosthetic was clear now that they got a good view of it. They titled their head and then tapped the spot on the sofa next to them. He came over, sitting next them nervously.

“Can I see it?” He made a face and she had to fight rolling her eyes. “It may be one of the reasons they want you, I just wanna make sure it’s not being tracked.”

They quickly got the arm off and looked it over. It was well made but she didn’t trust it. She spent most of the rest of the afternoon cracking open the arm and checking what was going on with Gary basically over their shoulder the whole time making nervous comments or trying to help. It may not have seemed to have a tracker but that didn’t mean anything if she knew BL tech, which of course she did. She turned to him, trying her best not to make a face.

“I don't think you should wear this arm anymore… I don’t think it’s safe.”

“You don’t think? Are you sure?” They sighed, shaking their head.

“It’s better if you take every precaution you can out here, having anything they think belongs to them on your person is never good. Being a person they think belongs to them is pretty bad too but not something you can control.”

Gary shifted from foot to foot, worry clear on his face but nodded. He knew what they were saying was true from experience. With that it was starting to get late once again. They put Gary to bed and went on patrol once more. Burying the arm far from their base in zone 7 to throw them off if they found it and came back home tired. Without much thought they curled up on the sofa and slept for a bit.

They woke a few hours later feeling more tired than they should but brushing it off. They could rest properly once Gary was home safe. They had breakfast and talked about the arm and the house. It was mundane how Gary was cross with her over sleeping on the sofa when he wasn't allowed to when he’d asked. She’d laughed, an extended excuse of ‘my shack my rules’.

After she’d set things up and checked over stuff, once it's all been put into place they call out to Gary who's quick to drop everything, rushing in to check what's going on.

“Gary, I’m gonna take you somewhere safer today. I think it’s safe to move you and I know the people there would really… They would love to meet you.” His eyes are wide.

“But, I thought,” He quit for a moment then nodded sadly. “I understand.” It’s clear he doesn’t yet but he will. They hope at least. They hope this doesn hurt him. They just need to do what best for everyone and that’s not keeping him here.

“Good.” there's a shake in their voice as they say it, forcing it out of their throat almost hurts. “We leave in 30 minutes. Get ready.”

They storm outside to the other side of the shack, where the building is broken and they use a tarp to hide an old dirt bike they use rarely. It’s really only if they need to travel fast which they haven’t ever yet. But they need to be in Zone 3 and that will take a while walking. They try to make sure it’s good to go and Gary comes out right on time.

“Here.” They put their helmet on him and set him up in the front, where he’ll be safer and won't have to worry about holding on with only one arm he’s still clearly not used to. It’s a pretty calm ride but they don't talk. The stress and worry is pouring off of him like blood out of a wound and it hurts. They wish things were different for the hundredth time today.

As they get closer and closer the dread sinks deeper and deeper into their gut. It’s awful how his silence lets them know everything they need to know about how he’s feeling right now. She’s felt it. They can feel it radiating off his skin. He’ll thank her later is all she's holding on to, all she’s hoping for at this point. They hope they’ll all forgive them at some point.

They grind to a stop at the drop point, just a mile away from the radio shack that is in shaky view on the horizon. She pulls over and gets off, Gary following suit. They look him over as he looks back and forth from the shack back to her. She puts on a small smile for him but it’s tight.

“They’re in there. They’ll take care of you I promise. I won’t leave till I see you’re safe.” They're not sure what to do now. But they know what they want to do. Without letting themself think too much they pull him into a hug. He lets out a squeak that's clearly surprised, but with his arm he holds her back after a moment.

“Thank you, Katt.” They pull apart as she wipes her eyes on the back of her gloved hand.

“They’re gonna love Gar’, they really are.”

She watches him walk off, leaning on the bike as they see a colorful shape answer the door and flop onto him. They, wiping their eyes clear and leaving as fast as they can before Pony or D can see them. They miss Gary looking back at the dust cloud they leave. They’re not there... But he smiles anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> OH also the wedding mentioned was Pony and Colas because I like the idea they are married I just think its neat,, 
> 
> like I said this was self indulgent and not really meant for anyone else, still hope you liked it if you read to the end! <3


End file.
